By: Bailey
Being pregnant usually creates a lot of excitement when you think about all things baby, there are also some moments of fear, fear of this unknown yet beautiful chapter called parenthood.
No book, experience, or story I heard before quite prepared me for our baby arriving 3 months early.
Meet Elijah, born at 28 weeks, just 1 kg…our tiny prem. I remember very clearly meeting him 3 days after I gave birth. I was sore, tired, and emotionally exhausted. I spent about 5 minutes in the NICU isolation room, it was hot, the lights were dim and the machines were going… my excited, fearful heart was beating, but there lay my perfectly formed baby boy in a closed incubator. He was so tiny, I remember thinking how is this boy ever going to survive this?
Here we are 23 months old, chunky, happy, walking, talking, a little bit short (he is under the growth curve) but our warrior is thriving. You would never have thought he was prem.
There were a couple of helpful tips I learned along the way in my journey being a NICU Mamma!
- Grieving the birth, the process, the dreams and desires. I allowed myself the space to feel all the emotions (and boy did I feel them).
- I guarded my heart, every NICU visit was always different the machine was altered or the incubator was closed, and then it was open. I guarded my heart to not get sad or upset by things that changed.
- I did as much Kangaroo Care as my boy allowed me to do. Sometimes it was for a couple of hours, sometimes 10 minutes. In the NICU I allowed my boy to guide me.
- I used to take his blankets home with me so I could cuddle and smell them when I was expressing his milk at 3 am.
- I had to come to terms that most days I wasn’t okay. And that it was okay to ask for help from medical professionals if you feel you need it. Do it, Mamma! For your own well-being and your babies.
- I was open to professional intervention that helped my boy reach his milestones. The first 18 months of his life involved OT and Physio sessions making sure I’m doing everything for him getting him the support and also educating myself in the process. He is also currently seeing a speech therapist. Be open for help.
- I celebrated every milestone, no matter how big or small. Celebrate mamma! Even if their feed has gone up by a few ml’s. That’s a win!
- Before he was discharged I “roomed with him in the hospital” for 3 nights. This made me feel like I was getting a little bit of the maternity ward feeling, which healed and gave my heart closure.
- Support system! Wow! We didn’t have much of this, but the support we did have was exceptional and we leaned into them daily. It’s so important to have other people holding you up when you yourself can’t stand.
- There is always HOPE, some days you feel defeated and some days you feel like flying. Never give up on the HOPE. You will look back and see the rainbow once the storm is over.
- Getting involved made me feel like he is my baby. I often felt like the nurses was his mom. Wash the eyes and mouth, change the nappy, and feed if you can.
- I had 2 sheepie stuffy toys, I would have the one to sleep with overnight and then I would take that sheepie that he could cuddle and smell me. This helped me feel close to him.
- I took lots of videos and photos, and looking back I can’t believe how tiny he was!
- I didn’t feel bonded to him at all, but I tried my best, I used to give him a little soft massage when I was allowed to, I used to sing to him, read stories to him, and talk to him a lot.
- Pumping milk, whew. Even saying the word makes me feel tired. I pumped every 3 hours and barely got milk, I drank all these supplements and did everything that was suggested and it still didn’t work well enough. Formula is also okay. You are not a failure.
- Trust the doctors and medical professionals, they have a wealth of knowledge and experience and know exactly what your baby needs, rest in that.
- I intentionally built relationships with the nursing staff and medical professionals. Be open to conversation with them, and ask questions. They are so helpful and kind and will be there for you on the good and hard days.
- The drive to the hospital and corridor walks to the NICU made me feel like this was my permanent destination, I took different routes some days. It just helped my mental space.
Your baby might be tiny, but they are strong and mighty!